[ words doesn't seem to be the vendor's specialty, likely thanks to all the blood he's lost. but he's definitely trying to flag them away from something, which lance only finds more curious than anything else. there doesn't seem to be anything around, after all. he takes a tentative step forward, but only stops again when keith speaks up. ]
Yeah, you'd think he'd be a little happier to see us...
[ the low mutter is spoken while he turns, pivoting back towards keith with an idle shake of his head. he's just about to say something else about gratitude or the lack thereof, when he sees something out of the corner of his eye and— ]
Keith, watch out!!
[ he's not sure what it is, but something definitely whips out from a nearby brush towards keith. whether or not the other boy noticed (he probably did, considering how much more vigilant he'd been), lance throws himself in the way. in the process, his shield deactivates, allowing for whatever it was to — wrap around his middle?!
upon closer inspection it appears to be a vine, long and thick and angry, hefting lance high up into the treeline. he's shouting the entire time, hanging on for dear life.
[Keith's ready at the jump, mostly because he'd lost interest in the vendor the moment he seemed to be flagging them elsewhere. Sure, some distant part of him wants to help, even with Lance barking up the wrong tree as a backdrop.
Anyway, he's ready for what's coming, as in, he knows something's there but he's not sure what. Knife at the ready, he--]
Lance, no!
[He's too slow to prevent the initial grab; he's bolting after him -- ignoring the fact that there may be other vines around to grab him in turn. He's focused on cutting Lance loose before this turns into a situation that leaves them in similar form to that vendor. Or worse. Maybe they're meant to be feed for a carnivorous plant?
Anyway, there's a glint of his knife as Keith sends it flying (as he likes to do so much lately...); it should pierce the vine, and if all goes according to plan, if he's measured it right, it should slice right through and he should be near enough to catch Lance.
[ alien plant though it may be, it ain't got nothing on keith's alien knife and his alien knife-throwing abilities. (though maybe that part's human? tough to say.) in any case, the blade slices clean through the waving vine, spraying all kinds of gross, green-white... sap?? blood??? thing all over themselves and the ground, and also lance is going down, all marked with a sharp shout that follows him his entire descent.
it would have been a nice catch, bridal-style, if lance had actually been facing that way. instead, he falls face-forward into keith, arms flinging around his neck and falling with enough force to send them both toppling back down. ]
Keith! Keith, oh my god, I could kiss you!
[ but he won't, because he's sure there are more scary alien vines to contend with, and so instead he scrambles up to his feat, hastily summoning his bayard-rifle. ]
[Well, that was sloppier than it needed to be on several levels; he managed to free Lance in record time which is great, at least. He barely feels being knocked onto his back--]
Save it.
[He thinks to advise him to..go back to the vendor, get him somewhere safe, but there he goes with that rifle. He pushes up from his elbows and onto his feet, making a quick dash for his knife..which ended up piercing the bark of a tree just yonder.]
I don't know what it is -- just cover me!
[While still running, headlong toward the base of that vine thing. The creature seems to be in a bit of a dizzy over...having a 'limb'? lopped off, so this is either a great time to attack the brain or a terribly volatile time to do it. Both, debatably.]
[ not that keith technically asked... but it's good to know getting bled on by a violent alien vine doesn't deter the two of them from being themselves, though their battle banter probably isn't providing that much comfort to the vendor still on the ground behind them.
but there keith goes, all willy nilly again. fortunately lance is ready, already shouldering his rifle and taking aim. his first shot catches another vine coming for keith's right leg, and the second gets another aiming for his left arm. the vines shudder and retreat angrily, before another, uninjured one lashes out in retaliation. ]
[Keith's like a psychopath, covered in Alien blood (sap, gross sap) but truckin' his way along, mask shielding his face in full effect, lest he get any of that garbo in his eyes.
Who know if Keith even can hear what the heck Lance's going on about. Hydros, hydras, hydrants; he's on cruise control, heading for something that looks decidedly like a stumpy whomping willow. He's trying to decide whether the thing needs to be uprooted or just have its husk made into firewood when a thin, ropelike vine shoots seemingly out of nowhere; he manages to avoid it, diving to the side, rolling -- slipping on all fours for half a second.]
Aim for the roots-!
[A second, thicker vine swings down from above, meaning to flatten him most probably; he'll be tapping in his knife's extendo-ability, holding it horizontally overhead so the thing impales itself on it -- slices itself open to properly bathe Keith in its guts.
Which is well and great, but this sap is working against him all of a sudden.]
[ omG that's so gross, lance is gonna throw up, why is everything on this planet disgusting— ]
The what?!
[ roots? what roots!! lance can't see crap from where he stands, but if he were to venture any closer he'd lose what vantage point he has to ward off any more of those vindictive vines. keith's closer, is able to see past the brush and shrubbery, but lance isn't quite so lucky.
hastily, he tries to remember where keith had been running towards, before he was forced to dodge and defend. he grimaces, taking a leaf out of keith's book for a second to forgo the safer route in aiming for the vines he can see, to aim instead for the source of them all that he can't
he lets loose a rapid-fire of shots into the shrubbery, hoping he's at least close... ]
[i'm sorry keith can't tell what's going on bc his biceps are stuck to his ribs.
Which isn't an untruth; he's sticky all over, being an agile focker has suddenly been compromised. At least if he's stuck, he's got his Big Knife activated in hand. In comes the rapidfire, which, in general, has the plant totally freaking out. It's probably working, it has to be, but that doesn't mean this harry potter bestiary knockoff's gonna go down quietly. Those vinelike limbs begin thrashing, Keith actually gets swatted -- sent careening into the nearest tree...which is fine, could be worse.
Is it hissing, though? It sounds like it's hissing. Keith can't exactly focus on it right now on principle of being concussed/seeing double. Furthermore, why does it smell like eggs?]
[ hopefully that's just the stench of its death?! ]
—Keith!!
[ the rapidfire comes to a sudden halt when the shorter boy is knocked aside. he rushes over, the killer alien plant now the furthest thing from his mind. he can see keith moving, at least, so that's good, but that doesn't make his feet go any slower as he runs over and drops to a knee by his side. ]
Dude, are you okay? C'mon— [ he grabs a hold of one of keith's arms ohmygosh it's so sticky gross and hoists him up, already trying to move further away. ]
[Post-s4 Lance keeps manhandling Keith...it's so romantic..
He's up and up, senses being overwrought with a ton of things that don't make sense; he's sticky because there's a tree having a noisy, violent death.]
I'm fine. [Minus the sharp, sudden headache and the fact that he can't tell safety apart from running directly into danger...which means Lance's presence here is great. For how lithe and deerlike he'd been in his movements a moment ago, he takes one step, stumbles, seizes whatever he can of Lance to prevent that--] We gotta get out of here.
[Nobody saw that. This is grade A concussed advice.]
[ lance doesn't like the way keith sways, or how his eyes don't seem to focus on him even when they're looking right at him. hastily, he ducks under one of keith's arms, shouldering the other boy's weight as he starts to brisk-walk them over to where the injured vendor remains. turns out, there's a reason he'd dragged himself over there, out of reach from those swinging vines.
there is a large rock nearby, just big enough to shield all three of them. he shouts for the vendor to take cover, moving himself and keith behind it while the alien plant continues to make whistling, distressed noises. they all hunker down just in time for the plant to explode, like some sort of self-destruct trigger, sending bits of plant and vines and sticky blood-sap all over within a two-mile radius. lance makes a gagging face, slapping a hand over his nose and mouth as an unpleasant stench fills the air... likely the plant's last form of defense.
once he trusts himself to speak, he leans back against the rock, resting his head there. ]
[The crutch helps, even if he'd deny any ailment at all ever. Things should straighten out soon, otherwise he'll be losing the contents of his stomach. Everything shouldn't be moving like a kaleidoscope.
He settles behind the rock, sitting on both knees in a decidedly uncool way, knife sapped to his palm still -- the blade digs into the ground like a kickstand, keeping him hunched over without...faceplanting. An explosion happens, a surge of...shit flies everywhere. He's automatically holding his breath. ...It releases once Lance speaks up.]
Y, yeah. Are you alright?
[There's a disembodied groan -- actually belonging to that vendor. He sounds good too.]
[ he pushes himself up off the rock, looking to keith, then to the vendor, trying to get a good assessment of how they are as a group... honestly? not looking so well. neither seem to be in a good spot to be walking right now, for wildly different reasons, and while the immediate danger seems to have... taken care of itself. it's best not to linger.
but the cart is still quite a ways away. with a broken axel and everything.
another sigh, and he's reachihng behind for his phone. ]
Gonna have to call in some reinforcements, I think...
[While pushing himself up, using that rock to his advantage. What if there's more danger to tread? What if they get chewed out? He'd rather not look weak here, especially when their main enemy was a tree.
Blade training...
He's up, shakily, but up anyway.]
If you have time to make phone calls, use it to make a tourniquet.
[He doesn't know the extent of the fruit vendor's damage(s), but tourniquets are always helpful. He'll unfasten the belt from his waist, letting that along with the pouch fall to the ground -- for Lance. Easy access to his first aid shit. He's gonna go ahead and inspect the dead tree now, make sure it's dead and all. With double vision.]
[ both vendor and ex-blue paladin stare rather dumbstruck as keith struggles to move past them, back towards the devil plant. he definitely doesn't move as fast as he probably suspects he does, because both lance and the vendor are allowed a full two seconds to gawk after him, then one more to share a look between each other, before lance almost lazily reaches for the back of keith's hood again, gently yanking him back. ]
Where do you think you're going? [ cool your jets, keith... ]
Dunno if you've noticed, but two of us aren't exactly in the best shape to be walking around right now. [ at this, the vendor nods emphatically. ] Tourniquet or not, we still need help getting out of here with both of you.
[It's not a move done as quickly as it could've been were he at 100%, but once he's stopped, he turns to grab Lance by his wrist -- visibly aggravated. He's sticky, tired, and now he's being treated like an invalid; dilated pupils search him, trying to decide where to properly glare if he's glaring at kaleidoscope Lance.]
I'm fine. [An immediate correction, barely listening as Lance presses on.] Fix his cart and wheel him off.
[He's just being a dick because his brain got scrambled...plz forgiv.]
[ lance's tone is even, oddly sharp. for a moment, he doesn't press on, and the vendor is left staring between the two worriedly.
then lance takes in a deep, steadying breath. ]
Let's not fight in front of our new friend, okay? [ lance literally only knows the guy's name, but whatever. ] Everybody hates it when couples fight in public.
[ as if to punctuate their relationship status, he leans forward to press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. ]
Besides, what the heck do I know about fixing wheels? [ between the two of them, keith's definitely more likely to be a wrenchhead... ] I'm gonna bring you both back to the cart, and you can fix it. Sound good?
[Ah, yes, this is the point where Keith comes to his senses and realizes he's a giant, throbbing bag of dicks. The grip on his arm loosens, there's barely reciprocation on his end of the kiss. Some natural counter-pressure does develop.]
Sorry. [Softly, still kind of ignoring that the vendor's awake and stuck hanging out with them through this.] Yeah.
[He'll release his arm entirely now, using that fist to rub his forehead. As if to rub that dizziness away. It's just starting to clear up, barely but noticeably.]
[ lance's smile is fond, but also relieved. he hadn't been sure if keith would have put up a bigger fight, as they're always sort of the most volatile with each other. he leans forward for another kiss, this time between keith's brow, but then he's turning to the vendor with a serious expression. he's wearing his paladin armor, so he hasn't any extra clothes to make tourniquets out of himself... but thankfully the vendor doesn't seem too sad about losing his little vest.
once hes all patched up (well, as patched up as he can be), lance gets onto his feet. looks his two companions over. ]
Okay, [ he says. very evenly. ]
Who wants the front, and who wants the back?
[ because clearly the only way he gets both of them back is by carrying them. at the same time. ]
[While Lance handles the first aid stuff, Keith just kind of stands in place waiting for his vision to repair itself. He'll shift between keeping his eyes closed, blinking hard, trying to focus on one thing in particular. It kind of helps as time passes, or maybe it's because time's passing. By the time he's finished, things only look fuzzy to him.
Only.
He's able to retrieve his belt, strapping it back around his waist with that pouch attachment which is in fact an achievement.]
Wh-?
[Lance'll get a look akin to him smelling rotten eggs.]
I'll get there myself...
[What a weird way to ask a thing like that, gross.]
[Keith is the guy who's trying to get to east bumfuck but won't pull over to ask where the highway is. He'll grab Lance's arm again -- much more gentler than last time.]
I'll go get the horse.
[Duh. Of course. This is how people mysteriously end up face down in ravines.]
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Yeah, you'd think he'd be a little happier to see us...
[ the low mutter is spoken while he turns, pivoting back towards keith with an idle shake of his head. he's just about to say something else about gratitude or the lack thereof, when he sees something out of the corner of his eye and— ]
Keith, watch out!!
[ he's not sure what it is, but something definitely whips out from a nearby brush towards keith. whether or not the other boy noticed (he probably did, considering how much more vigilant he'd been), lance throws himself in the way. in the process, his shield deactivates, allowing for whatever it was to — wrap around his middle?!
upon closer inspection it appears to be a vine, long and thick and angry, hefting lance high up into the treeline. he's shouting the entire time, hanging on for dear life.
this is not the tentacle porn we asked for...! ]
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Anyway, he's ready for what's coming, as in, he knows something's there but he's not sure what. Knife at the ready, he--]
Lance, no!
[He's too slow to prevent the initial grab; he's bolting after him -- ignoring the fact that there may be other vines around to grab him in turn. He's focused on cutting Lance loose before this turns into a situation that leaves them in similar form to that vendor. Or worse. Maybe they're meant to be feed for a carnivorous plant?
Anyway, there's a glint of his knife as Keith sends it flying (as he likes to do so much lately...); it should pierce the vine, and if all goes according to plan, if he's measured it right, it should slice right through and he should be near enough to catch Lance.
Or break his fall.]
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it would have been a nice catch, bridal-style, if lance had actually been facing that way. instead, he falls face-forward into keith, arms flinging around his neck and falling with enough force to send them both toppling back down. ]
Keith! Keith, oh my god, I could kiss you!
[ but he won't, because he's sure there are more scary alien vines to contend with, and so instead he scrambles up to his feat, hastily summoning his bayard-rifle. ]
What the heck is this thing?!
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Save it.
[He thinks to advise him to..go back to the vendor, get him somewhere safe, but there he goes with that rifle. He pushes up from his elbows and onto his feet, making a quick dash for his knife..which ended up piercing the bark of a tree just yonder.]
I don't know what it is -- just cover me!
[While still running, headlong toward the base of that vine thing. The creature seems to be in a bit of a dizzy over...having a 'limb'? lopped off, so this is either a great time to attack the brain or a terribly volatile time to do it. Both, debatably.]
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[ not that keith technically asked... but it's good to know getting bled on by a violent alien vine doesn't deter the two of them from being themselves, though their battle banter probably isn't providing that much comfort to the vendor still on the ground behind them.
but there keith goes, all willy nilly again. fortunately lance is ready, already shouldering his rifle and taking aim. his first shot catches another vine coming for keith's right leg, and the second gets another aiming for his left arm. the vines shudder and retreat angrily, before another, uninjured one lashes out in retaliation. ]
God, it's like Hydro!
[ hydra. he means hydra. ]
They just keep coming!!
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Who know if Keith even can hear what the heck Lance's going on about. Hydros, hydras, hydrants; he's on cruise control, heading for something that looks decidedly like a stumpy whomping willow. He's trying to decide whether the thing needs to be uprooted or just have its husk made into firewood when a thin, ropelike vine shoots seemingly out of nowhere; he manages to avoid it, diving to the side, rolling -- slipping on all fours for half a second.]
Aim for the roots-!
[A second, thicker vine swings down from above, meaning to flatten him most probably; he'll be tapping in his knife's extendo-ability, holding it horizontally overhead so the thing impales itself on it -- slices itself open to properly bathe Keith in its guts.
Which is well and great, but this sap is working against him all of a sudden.]
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The what?!
[ roots? what roots!! lance can't see crap from where he stands, but if he were to venture any closer he'd lose what vantage point he has to ward off any more of those vindictive vines. keith's closer, is able to see past the brush and shrubbery, but lance isn't quite so lucky.
hastily, he tries to remember where keith had been running towards, before he was forced to dodge and defend. he grimaces, taking a leaf out of keith's book for a second to forgo the safer route in aiming for the vines he can see, to aim instead for the source of them all that he can't
he lets loose a rapid-fire of shots into the shrubbery, hoping he's at least close... ]
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Which isn't an untruth; he's sticky all over, being an agile focker has suddenly been compromised. At least if he's stuck, he's got his Big Knife activated in hand. In comes the rapidfire, which, in general, has the plant totally freaking out. It's probably working, it has to be, but that doesn't mean this harry potter bestiary knockoff's gonna go down quietly. Those vinelike limbs begin thrashing, Keith actually gets swatted -- sent careening into the nearest tree...which is fine, could be worse.
Is it hissing, though? It sounds like it's hissing. Keith can't exactly focus on it right now on principle of being concussed/seeing double. Furthermore, why does it smell like eggs?]
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—Keith!!
[ the rapidfire comes to a sudden halt when the shorter boy is knocked aside. he rushes over, the killer alien plant now the furthest thing from his mind. he can see keith moving, at least, so that's good, but that doesn't make his feet go any slower as he runs over and drops to a knee by his side. ]
Dude, are you okay? C'mon— [ he grabs a hold of one of keith's arms ohmygosh it's so sticky gross and hoists him up, already trying to move further away. ]
It sounds like it's gonna blow or something!
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He's up and up, senses being overwrought with a ton of things that don't make sense; he's sticky because there's a tree having a noisy, violent death.]
I'm fine. [Minus the sharp, sudden headache and the fact that he can't tell safety apart from running directly into danger...which means Lance's presence here is great. For how lithe and deerlike he'd been in his movements a moment ago, he takes one step, stumbles, seizes whatever he can of Lance to prevent that--] We gotta get out of here.
[Nobody saw that. This is grade A concussed advice.]
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there is a large rock nearby, just big enough to shield all three of them. he shouts for the vendor to take cover, moving himself and keith behind it while the alien plant continues to make whistling, distressed noises. they all hunker down just in time for the plant to explode, like some sort of self-destruct trigger, sending bits of plant and vines and sticky blood-sap all over within a two-mile radius. lance makes a gagging face, slapping a hand over his nose and mouth as an unpleasant stench fills the air... likely the plant's last form of defense.
once he trusts himself to speak, he leans back against the rock, resting his head there. ]
Is everybody okay...?
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He settles behind the rock, sitting on both knees in a decidedly uncool way, knife sapped to his palm still -- the blade digs into the ground like a kickstand, keeping him hunched over without...faceplanting. An explosion happens, a surge of...shit flies everywhere. He's automatically holding his breath.
...It releases once Lance speaks up.]
Y, yeah. Are you alright?
[There's a disembodied groan -- actually belonging to that vendor. He sounds good too.]
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Yep, just peachy.
[ he pushes himself up off the rock, looking to keith, then to the vendor, trying to get a good assessment of how they are as a group... honestly? not looking so well. neither seem to be in a good spot to be walking right now, for wildly different reasons, and while the immediate danger seems to have... taken care of itself. it's best not to linger.
but the cart is still quite a ways away. with a broken axel and everything.
another sigh, and he's reachihng behind for his phone. ]
Gonna have to call in some reinforcements, I think...
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[While pushing himself up, using that rock to his advantage. What if there's more danger to tread? What if they get chewed out? He'd rather not look weak here, especially when their main enemy was a tree.
Blade training...
He's up, shakily, but up anyway.]
If you have time to make phone calls, use it to make a tourniquet.
[He doesn't know the extent of the fruit vendor's damage(s), but tourniquets are always helpful. He'll unfasten the belt from his waist, letting that along with the pouch fall to the ground -- for Lance. Easy access to his first aid shit. He's gonna go ahead and inspect the dead tree now, make sure it's dead and all. With double vision.]
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[ both vendor and ex-blue paladin stare rather dumbstruck as keith struggles to move past them, back towards the devil plant. he definitely doesn't move as fast as he probably suspects he does, because both lance and the vendor are allowed a full two seconds to gawk after him, then one more to share a look between each other, before lance almost lazily reaches for the back of keith's hood again, gently yanking him back. ]
Where do you think you're going? [ cool your jets, keith... ]
Dunno if you've noticed, but two of us aren't exactly in the best shape to be walking around right now. [ at this, the vendor nods emphatically. ] Tourniquet or not, we still need help getting out of here with both of you.
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I'm fine. [An immediate correction, barely listening as Lance presses on.] Fix his cart and wheel him off.
[He's just being a dick because his brain got scrambled...plz forgiv.]
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[ lance's tone is even, oddly sharp. for a moment, he doesn't press on, and the vendor is left staring between the two worriedly.
then lance takes in a deep, steadying breath. ]
Let's not fight in front of our new friend, okay? [ lance literally only knows the guy's name, but whatever. ] Everybody hates it when couples fight in public.
[ as if to punctuate their relationship status, he leans forward to press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. ]
Besides, what the heck do I know about fixing wheels? [ between the two of them, keith's definitely more likely to be a wrenchhead... ] I'm gonna bring you both back to the cart, and you can fix it. Sound good?
[ a compromise, of sorts. ]
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Sorry. [Softly, still kind of ignoring that the vendor's awake and stuck hanging out with them through this.] Yeah.
[He'll release his arm entirely now, using that fist to rub his forehead. As if to rub that dizziness away. It's just starting to clear up, barely but noticeably.]
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once hes all patched up (well, as patched up as he can be), lance gets onto his feet. looks his two companions over. ]
Okay, [ he says. very evenly. ]
Who wants the front, and who wants the back?
[ because clearly the only way he gets both of them back is by carrying them. at the same time. ]
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Only.
He's able to retrieve his belt, strapping it back around his waist with that pouch attachment which is in fact an achievement.]
Wh-?
[Lance'll get a look akin to him smelling rotten eggs.]
I'll get there myself...
[What a weird way to ask a thing like that, gross.]
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You're practically wobbling.
[ there's a moment of silence, then the vendor clears his throat. i can take the back, he offers graciously. ]
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[?????
Anyway, he looks to the vendor, back to Lance, a nod for him to go collect his dead weight -- then he realizes he'll have to help hoist him up.
Can Lance even carry him?]
Maybe one of us should go get a horse.
[A suggestion he would've come up with an hour ago if he weren't concussed.]
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[ because lbr he'd be the one to have to leave and get the horse, considering the aforementioned wobbling.
he starts to dig his phone out again. ]
Let me just call somebody, okay??
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I'll go get the horse.
[Duh. Of course. This is how people mysteriously end up face down in ravines.]
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[ nobody is going anywhere without everybody else! ]
whys this so funny
BC THEY'RE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE
theyre 4
four and married
just like in saddam's lair
this took a turn
it had to since we got stalkers
hmph...
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