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[emblazes]

 
ᴄᴀʟʟ × ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇᴍᴀɪʟ × ᴛᴇxᴛ

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citation needed

[competing]

[ if keith has decided to take on the reigns of housewife for the moment... lance is gonna drag his body over to plop down on the couch. he's still kind of dirty and roughed up from his tussle from earlier, but he's also kind of too lazy to indulge in a bath at the moment. enjoy this rare sight of willfully dirty and unkempt lance... ]

[emblazes]

[Raw and Filthy Lance, a rarity indeed. He thinks to call out to him...but he probably doesn't need a reminder that food's on the table? He must be...exhausted. He won't be annoying, in that case. He'll just pick one of those Lover's Package dinner things, grab a few utensils, a couple of canned sodas.

He's making a livingroom appearance with his arms stuffed with all sorts of shit. No napkins, though. Never napkins.]

Do you...even feel like eating?

[Kind of not a real question. He's gonna force him to eat a lil bit regardless.]

[competing]

[ lance rolls over onto his back when keith makes his grand appearance. his head sort of... hangs over the edge of the arm of the couch, so he's looking at keith upside down.

without a word, he just pops his mouth open.

were this not a pg-13 children's show... this gesture might be viewed as lewd... ]

[emblazes]

[He'll have a seat on the floor by Lance's head..set the drinks down like it's a picnic. He has five seconds to sit up and eat properly -- he's not gonna be responsible for him choking whilst upside down.


Four...three...two....


Annnnnd he's pinching Lance's nose shut. No warning.]





You're making it soggy.

[competing]

[ —gnrk?!

which is the actual sound lance makes when his nose is suddenly so rudely accosted. he twitches on the couch, twisting around to wrench his poor nosie out of keith's grip. not cool man... ]

It's take out... Take out's supposed to be soggy.

[ hmph. ]

[emblazes]

[Ah...cute.....

Sometimes Lance says things and Keith ends up putting too much thought into it. Like, take out's supposed to be soggy for example. Is it? Should they...wait?

No, no, that's asinine. He sighs and hops up onto the couch, styrofoam take out box in his lap.]

It's supposed to be soggy when you heat it up.

[With that, he'll pop it open...and he's immediately greeted by the Dick Arranged Egg Roll atop a mountain of fried rice. It doesn't look like a penis to him though. In fact, he sees nothing wrong with it at all.]

I'll let you pick your favorite first.

[Doing his best.]

[competing]

[ it takes all of two seconds for lance to recognize the shape of that egg roll. it's not exactly subtle, but apparently subtle enough that keith misses it, so maybe it's just because of lance's own pervy thoughts that he's able to recognize it so instantly?

regardless of the reason, as soon ashis eyes land on the thing and it clicks in his mind, he's making another strangled sound in the back of his throat, almost like a choke and a cough got confused who was going out first. his face turns bright red, and he looks up at keith with wide eyes.

but the other boy... doesn't get it..?

seriously??? ]

Uh.

[ well now he feels mildly silly for getting so worked up over it. still... ]

Th...is one... I guess...

[ cautiously, he picks the dong egg roll. still looking at keith, he raises it to his lips and. closes his mouth around it.

....


still nothing?! ]

[emblazes]

[On the other hand, Keith's gonna nonchalantly go for one of the testicles -- a dumpling, and pop it into his mouth as he would anything else. A slow chew follows, watching Lance all the while...

...Because, he's acting weird again. Is it an allergic reaction? Maybe he doesn't care for this stuff and only realized afterward? No...that's dumb. He's the one who suggested it to begin with; alien sushi's lining the styrofoam, likely arranged in other shapes he doesn't quite understand. Crop circles? Sure? Dicks and titys? Check please.]

Is it...good?

[Slightly muffled, still chewing.]

[competing]

[ well. what was he expecting, really...

sighing around the deep-fried dong, lance just nods dejectedly. he bites off the top part, and with his own mouth full, cheek bulging of alien rice paper and bean sprouts, he holds out the other half for keith to try. ]

Have a bi'.

[ ...

bite. ]

LANCE

[emblazes]

[First of all, this is the least-excited Lance has been about eating in his whole life. Second off, now he feels like an asshole for not saving half of his testicle for him to try. There's a second dumpling, sure, but that's besides the point.

There's a hard swallow, a wary look...and he's opening his mouth.

Bring on the choo choo.]

what!

[competing]

[ HERE COMES THE AIRPLANEEEEEE

idk what to write here, lance is just reaching over to gently deposit the other have of that bepis roll into keith's awaiting tongue.

totally normal, not semi-erotic at all................ ]

u know what

[emblazes]

[Well, his mouth preemptively closes, brushing Lance's fingers with his lips. It's casual, though, nothing remarkable.

The food's fine too. Good. Nothing to 5-star about on yelp, but it's also not making him as depressed as it's making Lance? Weirdo.]

It's good.

no im dumb

[competing]

[ it's.

it's too much. he can't do this. he wants to eat keith's face, but they're also having such a nice, sweet moment, he shouldn't ruin it??!

alright alright, he should just. small talk! talking should help. ]

So, uh. I think by my next paycheck, I'll have enough money to get some headphones for sleeping. [ he picks at one of the testicles. ] You still have that radio, right?

bi

[emblazes]

[He'll bend forward -- careful not to tip the foodbox over in the process; it's nudged partially onto Lance's leg just...to be safe. He's picking up those drinks, one of the two (they're the same soda) is offered to h is company.]

Here.

[He taps Lance's opposite thigh, forearm bumping his crotch in the process.]

You're gonna use my radio for sleeping?

[His radio only has a cassette player.....................there's certainly a radio option, as per the whole point of using it to talk to planets.]

[x-files theme song]

[competing]

[ it's by pure miracle alone that lance doesn't jump up shrieking when his crotch is suddenly accosted (haha he wishes). as it is, he just jerks in his seat a little (haha he wishes), which jostles the styrofoam enough that he's picking it up for safety.

and also to hold protectively in front of him, shrinking away from keith's proffered soda can. ]

I'm not thirsty!

[ he's so thirsty. ]

And yeah! I sleep better with music!

[ WHY DOES HE KEEP SHOUTING ]

[computer error noise]

[emblazes]

[Lance is 100% freaking out and the innocent, gentle alien boy cannot figure out why. It's no use asking either....since Lance doesn't even know he's acting weird. He's gonna get a look; it's enduring, he's quiet up until--]

Why are you yelling about it?!

[Forget the cassette thing. He's fully distracted from his radio being a piece of shit, and also from asking about the type of music he's into for sleepies...]

[competing]

[ classical.

but anyway, lance has reached his Limit. he hangs his head, shoving the styrofoam onto the nearby coffee table. ]

Nothing, I... I'm filthy. [ his mind is filthy. ] I'm gonna go take a shower, I think... [ he rises up onto his feet, already turning towards the hallway. ]

[emblazes]

[Why...this.

He looks from the food to Lance, back to the food....and he's rising up as well, setting both drinks aside.]

You don't-?!

[Look dirty, but Lance does have a strict routine of sorts. He's frowning anyway, suspicious -- but unable to accuse him of anything...aside from having a rough shift.]

Lance, wait...

[Here we go. He's awful at this.]

[competing]

[ he was thrown around a bunch... he was on the ground. but no, he's dusty at best, but he also thinks if he sits there any longer watching keith innocently munch on testicle-shaped dumplings he's gonna explode.

he's already got his back to keith, mid-way through the hallway when he looks over a shoulder, arching a brow. ]

What?

[ so caught up in his own concerns, he doesn't really realize his odd behavior could be having any negative effect on keith. so he naturally opts for a joke: ]

Wanna join me?

1/2

[emblazes]

[Blond_math_woman_meme.jpeg.

Pros: they've already done this before, it's not a big deal. He could probably use a bath? And more quality time with Lance is always ok.

Cons: ???? they can't eat in there.]

O...kay?

[Gotta work on the punchline, bro.]

[emblazes]

[So he'll wander up to him, set a hand on his back.]

You don't really look dirty.

[Just...for the record. It's a compliment!!]

[competing]

[ HE WASN'T ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO AGREE TO IT. ]

Oh, um. Th...anks... [ he appreciates it. he is also slowly getting his head out of his own butt enough to realize keith is Making Some Efforts here. and here he is just ruining it by being a total horndog.

he smiles weakly, reaching up to grasp keith's other arm in a reassuring squeeze. ]

Sorry. I just need to [ uhhhhhhhh ] take care of something. First. I'll stop being weird after a couple of minutes, I promise.

1/??

[emblazes]

[Keith glances up at Lance; it's a long quiet, studying his eyes....]

[emblazes]

[Very..slowly...his face grows tense, like he's suddenly realized something.]

[emblazes]

[Something....... unpleasant.]