[ tension: successfully eased! chalk another victory point for ol' lancey lance. ]
Because Pidge has feelings, okay, I swear. I've totally seen them.
[ and lance will let himself get tugged along, but only till he catches up to match pace. (it doesn't take too long; his legs are longer. heh.) anyway, they should be getting to the house soon, shouldn't they? he can't wait — he's pretty sure swamp has just caked into his pores. ]
[Another example of something coming out completely wrong...]
Fine, whatever.
[Because he's not gonna deny that; it isn't like Pidge has ever done anything to suggest otherwise...they did have that one hiccup way back when, but it's fine now.
Houses are, in fact, coming into view...which is great, because their lack of serious conversation has made him extra-aware of how cold he is and how much he probably stinks. He's actively trying not to smell himself, nose held high..focused entirely on bath time. Hopefully they haven't run out of shampoo. The length of Lance's showers are sometimes concerning. How many times do you have to shampoo your hair lol.]
[ shampooing your hair isn't the only thing to do in a shower?? (stop, keep this pg.)
anyway, the house comes into view soon enough, and so comes, too, lance's sigh of relief. ]
Sweet euphoria!
[ the honeymoon over, lance finally disengages from keith to jog up those last few steps, hands in the air like he were running across the beach at sunset about to embrace the love of his life. ]
I'm coming for you, ol' tub-a-dub!
[ he's already started tugging off his shirt because, honestly, the less gross stuff they take in with them will probably be for the better... ]
There it is. Morgenstimmung by Edvard Grieg starts playing in his head, except there's an internal music rip when Lance bolts forward, essentially calling dibs on the tub.]
No you aren't-!
[And he's sprinting up behind him like the roadrunner, hopefully surpassing him as he decides to start stripping which...he cant just run blindly ok.]
[ to be fair, he didn't think he'd have to fight for the thing, because between the two of them keith was way more likely to be content to be all gunky for a few more hours, right?
so his shirt is already up and over his face by the time keith shouts out, meaning his own shout of contempt is swallowed up in wet, gunky cloth. ]
Hey! You better not—!
[ instinct has him shooting forward despite not knowing where the heck he's actually going. fortunately, he was in a steady beeline for the door anyway, so he gets there just as keith gets there, meaning they totally just shoved themselves into that poor doorframe together.
okay lancey lance, time to use your impressive body to muscle your way into the house first— ]
[It's a wonder how they didn't break the door down. In his defense, he did go to twist the knob, but his hands are slimy and gross and this entire night is going TERRIBLY.]
We both nearly died!
[He's working on the knob again.]
Don't follow me next time.
[It opens, he nearly trips his way in...between weighing against the door and trying to keep Lance out of the opening...]
[ lance doesn't even know what keith is talking about at this point. he's got his elbow stuck in the hole of his shirt like some kind of sling, and even if keith hadn't tripped on the way inside, lance certainly does, and considering how close they were that just means it's one knocking over the other.
they both go down, and pretty hard, and honestly poor allura why does she had to deal with all of this. ]
We can't both use it.
[ he twists over keith, trying to pin the boy down with his free hand, while also trying to scramble back up just in case he needs to rush for the bathroom again, just in case this last-ditch attempt at diplomacy doesn't work. ]
Keith falls pretty hard, and thus enters his tenth concussion since arriving here. There's a groan, he's kinda squinting at Lance, but he's not so injured he'd overlook SEIZING HIM BY THE SHOULDER to prevent a quick escape.]
You're not using it first! By the time you're done, you'll have used all the warm water. It takes you hours!
[He's sitting up and trying to roll Lance onto his back at the same time.]
[ the hand on his shoulder is pretty effective on keeping him still, even as keith surges to sit up straight. he falls back a little just out of reflex, meaning his weight winds up on the tops of keith's thighs instead of his own calves, but he's still trying (in vain) to keep his upper hand (assuming he ever had it) by curling that hand he had pinning keith down around the boy's shirt. ]
First of all, that's disgusting. How the heck are you gonna wash all this junk off in just five minutes? You have so much dumb hair. And second of all, in five minutes alone all my pores are gonna get clogged up and suffocate! Do you want me to get space acne, Keith? Do you? [ no one should, they'll never hear the end of it. ]
You're dirty like 80% of the time anyway — why do you care now!
[Lance is more versed in the art of Shower Care and After Care and During The Bath Care. He knows little about pores and lotion and all of that nonsense. Hearing Lance talk at length about it (yes, this is at length) is tiring. He's not at all interested in hearing about acne, but he is making him feel...a bit...self-conscious.
He's fairly sure he's never carried an odor before, and he's unaware of any skin problems? Fucking animated cartoons.]
We'll have to go in together.
[That's it. That's the only solution. If it weren't, he wouldn't even bring it up.]
[ to be fair, "dirty" to lance can range anywhere from being caked in swamp water and having a light sheen of sweat from a workout. so by those terms, keith is always dirty
in any case, lance just stares at the other boy like he's just grown a second head, and the suggested that they all go clean up together. ]
[ why do you use dick in one sentence then weenie in the next...
anyway lance wants to know nothing about your alien jibblies ok!! what if it has scales or teeth or something. gross...
though keith does bring up a good point. he's definitely going to want to wash this all off first before he even considers taking a bath, because a bath is still totally on the table. he needs to deep cleanse. and if this is gonna be the fastest way to get to that...
it shouldn't be a big deal, right? it's like the locker room during gym. ]
Lance has tried to seduce enough aliens for everyone to know that's a lie. How embarrassing for Lance, wanting to see if his weenie has barbs on it or not...........]
Yeah, whatever.
[He consents while shoving his hand away. In turn, he's stopped trying to shove at the taller paladin. They've...kinda reached an agreement, right? Unless Lance fakes him out here.
Are you excited for concussion number 11 in a dark bathroom?????]
fine. fine! the sooner this happens, the sooner they can both just be done with this mess of an evening (aka early morning), and the sooner lance can get some well-earned beauty sleep. he sighs, releasing keith's shirt and climbing back onto his feet. his boots squelch, but also so do his clothes and that's just. so disgusting. how has he not puked yet.
anyway since they've reached some kind of truce he'll start towards the bathroom with no real worry about who gets there first... sweet, sweet hot water, he's coming for ya. ]
[He stands just after, doesn't even spare a moment to adjust himself (because he's fucking gross all over as well). What he does do, is: closes the front door, since they left it wide open for literally anyone to wander in.
After that, he's just gonna quietly follow Lance. They're like two prisoners of war being lead to their chambers...but they're leading themselves and instead of wartime it's just gaytime.]
anyway, here they go. about to do a totally normal thing. after a totally normal night. no big deal. noooo big deal.
once he enters the bathroom, lance doesn't even bother to turn on the light since they're just going to turn it off anyway. it's not like he really needs to see that much to finish tugging off his wet shirt, which feels about five times heavier from all the marsh it dragged back in. since he's ahead, he can easily keep his back to the other, quietly working on toeing off his boots... and then his pants next, wincing when the zipper is a little too loud. (in reality, it's just that everything else is a little too quiet.) he keep his underwear on for now, kicking the rest of his discarded clothing off to the side. leaning over into the shower stall, he starts the water up, trying to get it to just the right temperature. ]
[He comes in second and hesitates, thinking to flick the light on? But Lance doesn't...so he's torn? Maybe, uh...
Backtracking a tiny bit, he'll turn the hallway light on, then proceed into the bathroom, boots squeaking to mark each step. He'll be shedding those first and foremost; they've been a source of discomfort since they filled with swampass water. He's pointedly ignoring Lance, too. Aware of him to know where he is, exactly, but nothing beyond that. Two bros, stripping in a bathroom five feet apart because they're not gay.]
[ he glances over his shoulder when he hears the light switch flick on, and spares a tight frown keith's way. they agreed no lights! but at least the light from the hallway only barely pools in, casting half-tone shadows in random spots of the bathroom. content enough with that, he turns back around to just. finish stripping down, and then just as quickly slipping into the shower stall. maybe if he gets a head-start, he can finish before keith even gets in. (haha fat chance)
he debates on which way to face for a full minute, not sure which one would ensure less eye contact. in the end, he faces the front, letting his face tip up towards the spray of the shower to try and wash what he can from his hair and face. ]
[Conditioner has to it in your hair for at least two minutes, that's fifteen in Lance Beauty Care Time. (LBCT for short). Keith's undressing with less reservation; not because he's been naked enough in front of BOTH roommates at this point where it ain't even a thing. The...entire process isn't a big deal. Acting odd about it will only make it odd.
He is, deep down, a liiiiiiiiittle bit nervous, which says a lot. Keith doesn't usually get nervous. Any survival skill he should possess has been replaced with CHARGE IN HEAD FIRST.
Which is practically what he does, shoving the curtain aside and almost walking directly into Lance. Shows how much he'd been paying attention. More importantly...]
Why do you get to face the spray?!
[Of course he'd pick the good spot. The fact that his whole ass and pebis is out matters so little now. Like, remember when nazis ran over that girl or are we still losing it over antifa?]
[ frankly, it's better this way. the arguing, that is, because it at least gives lance something to focus all this weird energy on, and not, for example, the sudden weird urge to look down and then maybe do something about it.
so have a glare tossed your way, keith, just a little diluted by the water pattering down over the side of his face. [
You snooze, you lose, mullet.
[ a true sign of just how desperate he is for a confrontation if it'll be a suitable distraction: his regression into tired old taunts. ]
[There's a lingering glare; he's so much more than a mullet.
He's not getting any more endeared to standing there outside of the tub; the floor's cold and he stinks. Once he's sure he's reached a suitable quota of glaretime (read as: gotten his point accross, except Lance is a pain and will incur his wrath again in no time) he's stepping in behind Lance, facing the wall, arms crossed...
HE'S BARELY GETTING ANY WATER?]
Just move the nozzle, you're taking up the whole tub.
[While reaching for the shampoo, which is entirely useless unless he can get his hair soaked in clean, neutral-smelling water rather than the triple-E contaminant currently in his hair.]
[ how can he take up the whole tub, he's a noodle?? don't be so unreasonable, keith, that's lance's job.
case in point: he totally freaks out when he sees that hand come out of nowhere (except not really out of nowhere, since it's very obviously coming from behind him, at his side) and he yelps, nearly jumping away from it. ]
Hey hey hey [ abuhbuhbuhbuh ] stay on your side of the tub!
[ in his panic, he just swipes up the nearest bottle (it's his shampoo, cries) and shoves into the blindly groping hand. ]
[why would you abba him in this thread, in this tub? The Gasp™ happens followed by permanently furrowed brows.
At least he gets some shampoo out of it.
Also, he's not TECHNICALLY taking up most of the tub, no, he's just in direct line of the shower and it's making Keith upset.]
Thanks.
[Flat, but relieved. Not to suggest he's satisfied just with Lance's Patchouli Real Silk Shampoo. He's gonna back up and, more or less, shove himself against Lance in the most lewd of hipchecks just to access some of that water more precisely. It's a hipceck with his butt....there was some shoulder involvement too. Just get out of the way for a minute, Lance.]
[ suddenly butts?! touching?! only for like half a second, sure, but it still counts! and it's a total no-no!
he stumbles forward; thankfully there isn't much room to actually trip forward or anything, but he does lose balance for a second, only able to catch himself by slamming both hands on the opposite wall. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yeah go on
Because Pidge has feelings, okay, I swear. I've totally seen them.
[ and lance will let himself get tugged along, but only till he catches up to match pace. (it doesn't take too long; his legs are longer. heh.) anyway, they should be getting to the house soon, shouldn't they? he can't wait — he's pretty sure swamp has just caked into his pores. ]
https://i.gyazo.com/4ed4f6b343c1ac1a87b2b8bc2e6de516.png
Fine, whatever.
[Because he's not gonna deny that; it isn't like Pidge has ever done anything to suggest otherwise...they did have that one hiccup way back when, but it's fine now.
Houses are, in fact, coming into view...which is great, because their lack of serious conversation has made him extra-aware of how cold he is and how much he probably stinks. He's actively trying not to smell himself, nose held high..focused entirely on bath time. Hopefully they haven't run out of shampoo. The length of Lance's showers are sometimes concerning. How many times do you have to shampoo your hair lol.]
who's lena she sounds needy
anyway, the house comes into view soon enough, and so comes, too, lance's sigh of relief. ]
Sweet euphoria!
[ the honeymoon over, lance finally disengages from keith to jog up those last few steps, hands in the air like he were running across the beach at sunset about to embrace the love of his life. ]
I'm coming for you, ol' tub-a-dub!
[ he's already started tugging off his shirt because, honestly, the less gross stuff they take in with them will probably be for the better... ]
shes the woist
There it is. Morgenstimmung by Edvard Grieg starts playing in his head, except there's an internal music rip when Lance bolts forward, essentially calling dibs on the tub.]
No you aren't-!
[And he's sprinting up behind him like the roadrunner, hopefully surpassing him as he decides to start stripping which...he cant just run blindly ok.]
cut her loose
so his shirt is already up and over his face by the time keith shouts out, meaning his own shout of contempt is swallowed up in wet, gunky cloth. ]
Hey! You better not—!
[ instinct has him shooting forward despite not knowing where the heck he's actually going. fortunately, he was in a steady beeline for the door anyway, so he gets there just as keith gets there, meaning they totally just shoved themselves into that poor doorframe together.
okay lancey lance, time to use your impressive body to muscle your way into the house first— ]
I definitely got dibs! I nearly died back there!
i plan on it
We both nearly died!
[He's working on the knob again.]
Don't follow me next time.
[It opens, he nearly trips his way in...between weighing against the door and trying to keep Lance out of the opening...]
✂
they both go down, and pretty hard, and honestly poor allura why does she had to deal with all of this. ]
We can't both use it.
[ he twists over keith, trying to pin the boy down with his free hand, while also trying to scramble back up just in case he needs to rush for the bathroom again, just in case this last-ditch attempt at diplomacy doesn't work. ]
Okay, okay, how's this — rock, paper, scissors?
snip ya balls off
Keith falls pretty hard, and thus enters his tenth concussion since arriving here. There's a groan, he's kinda squinting at Lance, but he's not so injured he'd overlook SEIZING HIM BY THE SHOULDER to prevent a quick escape.]
You're not using it first! By the time you're done, you'll have used all the warm water. It takes you hours!
[He's sitting up and trying to roll Lance onto his back at the same time.]
I'll only be five minutes.
my blueballs
First of all, that's disgusting. How the heck are you gonna wash all this junk off in just five minutes? You have so much dumb hair. And second of all, in five minutes alone all my pores are gonna get clogged up and suffocate! Do you want me to get space acne, Keith? Do you? [ no one should, they'll never hear the end of it. ]
You're dirty like 80% of the time anyway — why do you care now!
away they go
He's fairly sure he's never carried an odor before, and he's unaware of any skin problems? Fucking animated cartoons.]
We'll have to go in together.
[That's it. That's the only solution. If it weren't, he wouldn't even bring it up.]
bye...
in any case, lance just stares at the other boy like he's just grown a second head, and the suggested that they all go clean up together. ]
I'm not taking a bath with you! We're not six!
[ because that's the main issue here.......... ]
oyasumi
I didn't say we were gonna take a bath together!
[Baths and showers are TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Taking a bath would be weird. Lance would hate it at first, then try to compare weenie sizes.]
I meant we could just shower at the same time and get it over with....at the same time.
[Hmph.]
no subject
anyway lance wants to know nothing about your alien jibblies ok!! what if it has scales or teeth or something. gross...
though keith does bring up a good point. he's definitely going to want to wash this all off first before he even considers taking a bath, because a bath is still totally on the table. he needs to deep cleanse. and if this is gonna be the fastest way to get to that...
it shouldn't be a big deal, right? it's like the locker room during gym. ]
Can we turn the lights off?
[ avoid any accidental space peen flashing... ]
no subject
Lance has tried to seduce enough aliens for everyone to know that's a lie. How embarrassing for Lance, wanting to see if his weenie has barbs on it or not...........]
Yeah, whatever.
[He consents while shoving his hand away. In turn, he's stopped trying to shove at the taller paladin. They've...kinda reached an agreement, right? Unless Lance fakes him out here.
Are you excited for concussion number 11 in a dark bathroom?????]
no subject
fine. fine! the sooner this happens, the sooner they can both just be done with this mess of an evening (aka early morning), and the sooner lance can get some well-earned beauty sleep. he sighs, releasing keith's shirt and climbing back onto his feet. his boots squelch, but also so do his clothes and that's just. so disgusting. how has he not puked yet.
anyway since they've reached some kind of truce he'll start towards the bathroom with no real worry about who gets there first... sweet, sweet hot water, he's coming for ya. ]
no subject
After that, he's just gonna quietly follow Lance. They're like two prisoners of war being lead to their chambers...but they're leading themselves and instead of wartime it's just gaytime.]
no subject
anyway, here they go. about to do a totally normal thing. after a totally normal night. no big deal. noooo big deal.
once he enters the bathroom, lance doesn't even bother to turn on the light since they're just going to turn it off anyway. it's not like he really needs to see that much to finish tugging off his wet shirt, which feels about five times heavier from all the marsh it dragged back in. since he's ahead, he can easily keep his back to the other, quietly working on toeing off his boots... and then his pants next, wincing when the zipper is a little too loud. (in reality, it's just that everything else is a little too quiet.) he keep his underwear on for now, kicking the rest of his discarded clothing off to the side. leaning over into the shower stall, he starts the water up, trying to get it to just the right temperature. ]
no subject
Backtracking a tiny bit, he'll turn the hallway light on, then proceed into the bathroom, boots squeaking to mark each step. He'll be shedding those first and foremost; they've been a source of discomfort since they filled with swampass water. He's pointedly ignoring Lance, too. Aware of him to know where he is, exactly, but nothing beyond that. Two bros, stripping in a bathroom five feet apart because they're not gay.]
no subject
he debates on which way to face for a full minute, not sure which one would ensure less eye contact. in the end, he faces the front, letting his face tip up towards the spray of the shower to try and wash what he can from his hair and face. ]
no subject
He is, deep down, a liiiiiiiiittle bit nervous, which says a lot. Keith doesn't usually get nervous. Any survival skill he should possess has been replaced with CHARGE IN HEAD FIRST.
Which is practically what he does, shoving the curtain aside and almost walking directly into Lance. Shows how much he'd been paying attention. More importantly...]
Why do you get to face the spray?!
[Of course he'd pick the good spot. The fact that his whole ass and pebis is out matters so little now. Like, remember when nazis ran over that girl or are we still losing it over antifa?]
no subject
so have a glare tossed your way, keith, just a little diluted by the water pattering down over the side of his face. [
You snooze, you lose, mullet.
[ a true sign of just how desperate he is for a confrontation if it'll be a suitable distraction: his regression into tired old taunts. ]
Might as well just wait till I'm done.
no subject
He's not getting any more endeared to standing there outside of the tub; the floor's cold and he stinks. Once he's sure he's reached a suitable quota of glaretime (read as: gotten his point accross, except Lance is a pain and will incur his wrath again in no time) he's stepping in behind Lance, facing the wall, arms crossed...
HE'S BARELY GETTING ANY WATER?]
Just move the nozzle, you're taking up the whole tub.
[While reaching for the shampoo, which is entirely useless unless he can get his hair soaked in clean, neutral-smelling water rather than the triple-E contaminant currently in his hair.]
no subject
case in point: he totally freaks out when he sees that hand come out of nowhere (except not really out of nowhere, since it's very obviously coming from behind him, at his side) and he yelps, nearly jumping away from it. ]
Hey hey hey [ abuhbuhbuhbuh ] stay on your side of the tub!
[ in his panic, he just swipes up the nearest bottle (it's his shampoo, cries) and shoves into the blindly groping hand. ]
no subject
At least he gets some shampoo out of it.
Also, he's not TECHNICALLY taking up most of the tub, no, he's just in direct line of the shower and it's making Keith upset.]
Thanks.
[Flat, but relieved. Not to suggest he's satisfied just with Lance's Patchouli Real Silk Shampoo. He's gonna back up and, more or less, shove himself against Lance in the most lewd of hipchecks just to access some of that water more precisely. It's a hipceck with his butt....there was some shoulder involvement too. Just get out of the way for a minute, Lance.]
no subject
[ suddenly butts?! touching?! only for like half a second, sure, but it still counts! and it's a total no-no!
he stumbles forward; thankfully there isn't much room to actually trip forward or anything, but he does lose balance for a second, only able to catch himself by slamming both hands on the opposite wall. ]
Okay, new rule! No touching! Never any touching!!
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)